You know what harassment looks like?

You know what harassment looks like?

A 13 year old girl followed home from the rickshaw stand by a labourer on a cycle.

You know what harassment looks like?

A 14 year old girl followed from her home to her tuition by a fat man making lewd gestures with his fingers near his crotch. 

You know what harassment looks like?

A 14 year old girl too scared to go back to her tuition. 

You know what harassment looks like?

A man trying to get a feel of a teen's breasts in a 5 minutes auto ride after dark.

You know what harassment looks like?

Not having the option of getting down from the auto because you're too scared about not getting any other transportation back home.

You know what harassment looks like?

 Having your breasts compared to melons

You know what harassment looks like?

Having to hear young boys sing "pee loon " as you walk down the road.

You know what harassment looks like?

Hating the songs for ages after that

You know what harassment looks like?

Having to change routes because it's dark and you're walking home alone. 

You know what harassment looks like?

Feeling unsafe in your lane when one of the street lights breaks down. 

You know what harassment looks like?

 Men and women staring at your cleavage

You know what harassment looks like?

Feeling the need to cover up  your cleavage.

You know what harassment looks like?

Covering your face with your bag because some random guys have started clicking pictures of your girls with their phones at your bus stand.

You know what harassment looks like?

Having to do that everyday.

You know what harassment looks like?

Knowing your sister will be harassed and she's barely 10.

You know what harassment looks like?

Coming back home to hear your 11 year old sister recount her scary story of how she was followed home from the bus stand. 

You know what harassment looks like?

Witnessing the same fat guy that followed you ages ago, masturbating outside your house.

You know what harassment looks like?

Instinctively knowing that the fat guy probably harasses the students of the all girls school opposite your home. 

 
You know what harassment looks like?

Having to explain what harassment looks like.

You know what harassment looks like?

The fatigue from the countless times you've explained what harassment looks like. 


Street harassment is something all women are handed on a ready plate and told to deal with. Because, "men will be men" and "such is a women's life"; so on and so forth. 

This post is completely based on my and my sister's experiences. 

Most women will relate. A few men will try to imagine. Some will understand. Most men will dismiss it as another write up by a bitchy, whining women who thinks her life sucks.






 

Honestly? I am scared.

I don't want to get raped. I don't want to carry a pepper spray.

I am not even angry. I am just scared.  What if I get raped? Rape is scarier than most people realise. 

I don't want people telling me how to be safe. What to do so that I don't end up facing such trauma. What to wear, where not to go. Please stop doing that. Just start telling men not to rape. Tell your brothers. Tell your friends. Tell your fathers. Remind them everyday. Teach kids in school. Tell them to talk about it openly. Regularly.   I feel, this should become an important part of everyone's education. 

Men need to come out in the streets to give support to the woman in their lives. 

And yes, understand this. Media adds to rape culture. You favourite actor pinching his heroine's butt; your favourite rapper objectifying woman; men in movies not taking no for an answer; all of them encourage this culture of sexual objectification of woman. Unless we stop objectifying woman, rapes will keep on happening. 

Do you know what causes rape? Rapists. 


How long will the outrage in the media last? One week? A month? Learn to be outraged everyday. By lewd comments, by stares, by catcalls, by unwanted attention. Protest at the smallest instance of sexual harassment. Talk about it. Start a debate. Tell people-"I got harassed. It's wrong and I am outraged. I will not stand it."


Today I make a promise to point out every instance of objectification. I will not keep quiet. I will shout, if I have to. I will not shut up, even if people give me looks. 

Steaming and in your face. 

Because I want a safe world for all of us. 

Ideally

Ideally I should be able to walk from point A to point B without being subjected to a single cat call,  comment or whistle. Without a single stare. Ideally I shouldn't have to worry about this when I step out of the house. I should not have to think twice before getting onto a crowded bus, because some man may "accidentally touch my breasts or behind. I should not have to worry about some guy following me. 

And when it's dark and I am walking back home I should not be scared that an unknown face will try to thrust his penis into my vagina even though I was repeatedly shouting "No". I should not have to worry about the police telling me-"You asked for it." Or some woman telling me I was wearing the wrong clothes or took the wrong route. Or the uncle across the road questioning my lifestyle. Ideally.

I am tired off explaining that you should not question the victim but the rapist. Catch the criminal, don't victimise the person going through the trauma of being raped. Set your priorities straight.

Safety. The right that most cis-heterosexual men get but which everybody else has to fight for.  I want to be safe without having to fight for it. 

It's not that complicated, you know. 

Your definitions do not define me

If you ask me my name I will say it's Anjee

If you ask me who I am I will say I am human.

If you ask me my nationality I will say I am Indian. 

If you ask me my sex I will say I have female genitals. 

If you ask me my gender I will say I am female. 

If you ask me my sexual orientation I will say I am bisexual

I did not ask to get labelled. Your labels do not make me who I am. Label or not I decide who I am. 

Your preconceived notions do not define me. They do not make me who I am. Who I am is decided by me and me alone.  

P.S I recently participated in  Slutwalk Kolkata, held on 24th May. Though labeling is not the core issue that Slutwalk is dealing with it's something I have been thinking about a lot after the walk. To know more about how the Slutwalk originated you can check out this Wikipedia article.

You could also check out the facebook group Slutwalk Kolkata and the page.

Followers

No, I am not talking about anything Twitter related. Nor am I going to elaborate on leadership. I am referring to the random men who decide to follow woman walking on the road. These brand of men can also be categorized as eve teasers, (they can also be called unemployed. Perverts, pathetic, sick and other colourful adjectives.) But I am not here to analyse the different adjectives that can be used for these men. I want to discuss ways of evading these people.



The first thing on needs to do is be alert. That is the basic thing one needs to learn. Not just to evade followers but also avoid being pick pocketed or road accidents. But as woman we cannot let go of our gourd. If you notice someone following you, do not panic. Stay calm. Stay confident. Even if you don’t feel confident look it. The only way one can be confident is by being aware of the world around you. Yes girls do get followed. This isn’t just a matter of movies and television. In real life heroes aren’t available to save us. The first time I was followed I didn’t panic because I knew what to do. Yes, I was scared but I remembered that I had to look confident. Just don’t show that you are scared. You can develop a not scared –mean/ aggressive look to be used when you are on the road. Be the no-nonsense kind of woman on the road.


Don’t turn around to look at your follower, initially. Don’t let them know that you know that they are following you (unless it gets really bad) don’t increase your pace suddenly. If you want to speed up, do it gradually.


Walk in a zigzag manner. Avoid walking straight. Change footpaths often and cross as many roads as possible. Also try to go to the main road where loads of cars and people will be there to shield you. Join a crowd. Most probably your follower will lose you.


Get inside a shop. Buy something and stall your exit for as long as possible. Tell the shopkeeper about the situation. Chances are he/she will help you out.


Call up your speed dial numbers. Warn your friend of family about what’s happening. Tell them to call you frequently. This will give you a moral boost and is also a precaution in case something happens. It may also scare the follower off. Most followers are just random people who follow for the thrills. They certainly don t want to get into trouble with the police.


These tips apply to random followers only. When such people turn into stalkers you need legal action. Tell your family. Go to the police. Take action.

The TV tease

 I saw this really melodramatic serial on StarPlus called "Pratigya" which was shamelessly promoting ruffianism, gundagiri and eve teasing. The male protagonist of the soap follows the female lead, declares love for her, breaks up her upcoming marriage and basically does everything that an eve teaser may do. And by showing all this the serial is portraying eve teasing as "the thing to do" . It has so easily legitimised this social "evil".


What was the writer thinking? And how could such a respected channel portray such degradation of woman in today's times? When the society is taking baby steps of change to give woman the respect they deserve such regressive soaps certainly do not help change mindsets.




The protagonist runs away to another town to get rid of the guy, and ultimately decides to marry him! This is not how things work. This is not the way to deal with eve teasers! We girls have faced such behavior atleast once. Even if we haven't, we are scared of the occurrence! Unfortunate but true. We should all know how to deal with this problem. There are techniques, you know! Instead of showing people such regressive material the soap could have shown the girl next door how to cope. Running away is NOT the solution!


  
Men forget that they have sisters, wives and daughters at home. And even they don't have one of those, they all have mothers!




Ruffians will always be ruffians. "The bad boy turned good" syndrome is only true to Hindi movies. Awareness of this fact is important. We all should know that there is a way out and soaps like the one I talked about are certainly not portraying the right way. I want to end this "eve teasing promotion". And I want your help. Do share your feelings on this forum




All woman invited to comment. Complain. Act. React.