Faith

I am a Hindu because I was born in a Hindu family. Being a Hindu is of no consequence to me. Believing in God is. My faith does not depend on rituals.

Around a year back I had gone to the Kali temple in Kalighat, with Kaniti.  It was my first visit. We went there to buy a pair of shakha, pola(bangles that married Bengali woman wear) for my bhabhi. And it is an experience I am not likely to forget. For all the wrong reasons. We were buying stuff outside the temple when we decided to visit the Goddess inside.

There were more than several pundits trying to lure people in. One of the pundits told us that he will help us offer Puja for Rs 22. We decided to go with him. He made us buy some stuff. Flowers, sindoor, a red cloth, red thread, some bangles and prasad. And then he took us to a place we could keep our shoes. We took off us shoes and followed him. He took us for a darshan through the “V.I.P” entrance so that we young girls could avoid the crowd. We saw the idol and then he took us to another room where we could offer our puja.
He made us sit separately because we are not of the same caste(Kaniti is a Brahmin which I am not) All my life I have never been asked my caste as if it’s such an important thing. That was the first time.

We sat for a while and he called us in turns so that we could perform puja. And then the something we were not expecting happened. He asked for 1500 bucks. He said it’s an offering to Kali. I was shocked. I told him I didn’t have the money and that he had said the puja could be done in only 22 rupees. He said that was for the things we had bought. Both Kaniti and I were shocked. He kept on arguing with us and at one point turned nasty. For a moment I was really scared.

I explained to him that we had no money and offered a Rs.50 note. He looked offended and then said we could come back to the temple and give money when our wishes came true. We nodded in agreement and went outside.

When we went to the place our shoes were kept, we were in for another not-so-pleasant-surprise. The pundit asked for his service fee. I don’t remember how much we paid him but I think it was around 100 bucks.  After that I just about had enough money to go back home.

As soon as I got on the bus I rubbed of the red “tikka” from my forehead. I was feeling so sickened. As soon as I reached home I recalled the story to my Mom. I was so disgusted I tore off the red thread from my hand and went for a shower.

Religion is made ugly by such people. To them it’s just business. A money making scheme. I would rather to stay away from anything which holds no meaning for me. And certainly not something that involves mixing worship with money. The pundit was trying to fleece us in the name of God. We, as educated young girls were feeling victimized. And I don’t ever want to feel that way when it comes to my faith in god. My faith remains unshaken and my stance against  rituals is stronger now.

koritsi. chica. ragazza. just a girl.

Being a north Indian I have grown up with the ritual of kanjak celebrated on Ashthami- the eight day of the 9 days worshiping Maa, better known as Navratri. Navratri is celebrated in April and in October. In October it coincides with Durga puja.

Asthami for us would mean going to my nani’s house early in the morning. Sitting down near the mandir in my nani’s room. Waiting for nani to finish chanting her mantras. Singing along “shera wali maata teri sadayi jai” at the right cue. Getting our feet washed by nanu. The youngest kanjak pulled out a handful of grass from an earthen pot. For years it was me and my cousin doing it, my sister did it when she was old enough to. Then came the awaited moment of the Prasad- halwa, puri, chana and raita. And the token amount of money and a gift from my nanu was always included.

I am not a ritualistic person but there are  certain situations or things that you associate with certain people. I associate ashthami with my nani. She passed away in 2007 and I have not witnessed a kanjak puja after that. Today is Ashthami and I am thinking of my nani. And my girlhood.

A girl. Am I a 21 year old girl or a 21 year old woman? A woman; I think, who sometimes wants to go back to being just a girl.


It's sometimes nice being a female. You get the attention of a busy shopkeeper faster than the xy people. And you don't have  really have to ask a guy out. There's some stuff about being a woman that pisses me off but I don't really want to get into that. Not today.


Today, I want to be grateful for being a girl. I want to count my blessings. Today, I want to hold on to the traditions and rituals of the past. If not continue with them, I want to just think of them with fondness. I want to make up my own rituals. For myself. And for my future offsprings. Today I want to think of my nani, who taught my mom so many things and who in turn taught me so much. 


I want to celebrate being a girl, for once. I don't want to rant about feminism and equality and what not. Then why do I even mention feminism? Because it is on my mind. I am thinking about the obvious stuff like female foeticide and what happens in Haryana. But for today I want to keep all of that aside. For today I want to believe that I, like the goddess can slay demons. Atleast my own demons. 


I am a girl today. Not a kanjak. Just a girl who is missing her nani  and loves Asthami. 




  

'Mata' and music

North Indians, especially Punjabis; have experienced the phenomenon called ‘Mata ki chowki’. A ‘Mata ki chowki’ is held to sing praises of Goddess Durga. Nevertheless it is more of a social gathering than a religious one.

Let me describe it to you, starting from the setting. Imagine a huge hall. Then fill up the floors with mattresses covered by white bedsheets. Three walls should be lined with chairs. Add four amplifiers at all the corners. Now concentrate on the empty wall. The ‘shrine’ or the focal point will be set up here. A small table covered by a red or equally bright cloth will be set up. On this table an idol or framed picture of the ‘maa’ will be placed. There will be a plate; otherwise known as the ‘aarti’. On that plate you may see a ‘diya’, a few ‘agarbattis’ and other stuff most Hindus use in their rituals. Around the shrine a few people acting as musicians will be sitting with a 'dholak' and maybe, a harmonium along with a couple of microphones. Do imagine all this, but with the mute button switched on.



Now, imagine the people- men woman, oldies and children. It’s frenzy. Remember the chairs? Those are for people who simply can’t sit on the floor because of various ailments. Others will be sitting cross legged on the mattresses.


Let me also tell you how to find the location of a ‘Mata ki chowki’ you would be invited to. When you reach the area and are unsure of the address just enter the building emitting a lot of noise. Once inside let your ears guide you.


You’ll know you’ve reached the right destination if you cannot hear what the person next to you is trying to tell you. For the next two hours or so, the only noise, err sound you will hear will be loud chants of ‘Jai Mata di’. The songs are sung to the tunes of Hindi movie tracks-easy to pick up. The lyrics are few and simple-easy to remember. Comparing the sound levels to a rock concert may not be appropriate, but it is accurate.


The intention of the ‘Mata ki chowki’ may be to please the goddess. I wonder if people assume that the Goddess has a hearing problem and the praises need to be shouted to be heard and acknowledged. I guess praising the goddess wouldn’t be fun unless accompanied by loud chants and louder pseudo-music.

three days

These days three days are devoted to Puja Visharjan....dashami and the two days after. Somehow I find the visharjan part very creepy. Seeing truckloads of idols at night is not my idea of fun. Not because the roads are blocked. Because ma seems to have lost all her splendour. I mean when we see the idols in the pandals the feeling is completely different. and then seeing straw coming out from Ma Durga's back is big time creepy. I cant imagine myself sharing a truck with the life size idols. And the dancing frenzy accompanied by the dhak is creepier....damn scary ... don't know if its meant to be.





One thing which was different in this year's Visharjan was that roads were being cleared for cars to pass. A scene never seen before. BB and Didi gearing up for 2011?



There are some questions better left unanswered.