On the terrace

 She could see the cars drive by. It was a long way down. She felt dizzy. But was determined. No one would come up at this hour. She would do it now. Her phone rang. Nina was  calling.

“Where are you? I have been waiting  here for ages.”

She  sighed and stepped down the ledge.

Too much happening

What is the bloody answer?

Too my questions in my head, right now. I feel as if I am interrogating myself. Can't all the questions stop for a while? Let me live, will you?  

Too much going on right now. And it doesn't make sense, 





I feel whateverish. And very very tired.

Honestly? I am scared.

I don't want to get raped. I don't want to carry a pepper spray.

I am not even angry. I am just scared.  What if I get raped? Rape is scarier than most people realise. 

I don't want people telling me how to be safe. What to do so that I don't end up facing such trauma. What to wear, where not to go. Please stop doing that. Just start telling men not to rape. Tell your brothers. Tell your friends. Tell your fathers. Remind them everyday. Teach kids in school. Tell them to talk about it openly. Regularly.   I feel, this should become an important part of everyone's education. 

Men need to come out in the streets to give support to the woman in their lives. 

And yes, understand this. Media adds to rape culture. You favourite actor pinching his heroine's butt; your favourite rapper objectifying woman; men in movies not taking no for an answer; all of them encourage this culture of sexual objectification of woman. Unless we stop objectifying woman, rapes will keep on happening. 

Do you know what causes rape? Rapists. 


How long will the outrage in the media last? One week? A month? Learn to be outraged everyday. By lewd comments, by stares, by catcalls, by unwanted attention. Protest at the smallest instance of sexual harassment. Talk about it. Start a debate. Tell people-"I got harassed. It's wrong and I am outraged. I will not stand it."


Today I make a promise to point out every instance of objectification. I will not keep quiet. I will shout, if I have to. I will not shut up, even if people give me looks. 

Steaming and in your face. 

Because I want a safe world for all of us. 

Dealing with different

I must have been 11 when I encountered the concept of "gay" . It was new year's eve and we had all come for a drive. Me and a cousin saw a guy give another guy a peck on the lips. I looked at my cousin and we both went "eww". I am sorry.

I was in a girls only school.When I was 15 some girls teased others by calling them "lesbo".  It became the cool thing to do. I must have teased someone too.  I am sorry.

When I was 17 I started reading up on homosexuality and wondered why anyone would be attracted to the same sex. I didn't get it. My stance was let them do what they want to. Their choice. I wasn't an ally. I am sorry.

In my 2nd year of college a girl proposed to me. It was weird that she didn't realise that I didn't swing her way. I was freaked. Now I know what it must feel to live in a world where you have to pretend to be someone you are not. All the time. I am sorry you have to go through that. 

In the beginning of 2012 I read up more on homosexuality, took part in online forums and discussions and tried to understand the LGBT community better. There is so much more to learn. I am sorry I didn't start earlier.

I am sorry for judging. I am sorry for not understanding. I am sorry for the ignorance. I am sorry for the indifference. 

I am sorry. 

I have been recently told by a friend that he is gay. His sexual orientation does not change anything.

Today, I am an ally

Ideally

Ideally I should be able to walk from point A to point B without being subjected to a single cat call,  comment or whistle. Without a single stare. Ideally I shouldn't have to worry about this when I step out of the house. I should not have to think twice before getting onto a crowded bus, because some man may "accidentally touch my breasts or behind. I should not have to worry about some guy following me. 

And when it's dark and I am walking back home I should not be scared that an unknown face will try to thrust his penis into my vagina even though I was repeatedly shouting "No". I should not have to worry about the police telling me-"You asked for it." Or some woman telling me I was wearing the wrong clothes or took the wrong route. Or the uncle across the road questioning my lifestyle. Ideally.

I am tired off explaining that you should not question the victim but the rapist. Catch the criminal, don't victimise the person going through the trauma of being raped. Set your priorities straight.

Safety. The right that most cis-heterosexual men get but which everybody else has to fight for.  I want to be safe without having to fight for it. 

It's not that complicated, you know.