100 Words: Hell

As I lie here dying I can only do one thing-smile. For I am not angry, nor sad. I am happy, you know. I will smile, even if it is the last thing I do. 

I have so much to say but I can’t speak. My throat is dry but no one can give me water. I am alone in the house that was once mine. All alone.

 All I wish now is for someone to hear my thoughts.

I’ll vanish without a trace and not a  soul will know my story.  Maybe it doesn’t matter. I wish it did. 

100 Words: Distance

1772 kms. It is difficult to be practical, when in love. Crazy practical people in love. “Be strong. Be Patient.  When the going gets tough the tough get going” These are the words she repeats to herself. Like a chant.

The heart is already fond, it doesn’t need distance.

Today she has to smile. She does have a smile, plastered on her face. If you talk to her you may hear it in her voice.  She will be strong. For she knows someone needs her to be. As much as she needs him to be. 

Distance makes tough people tougher.  

Two Jacks and a queen

“Crush your ‘oh I love you so much ‘thoughts for me Anant. Gutter ke pani mein dooba do unhe. My interest level in you is a little less than a lion’s interest in grass for lunch.”

“Why do you have to keep on insulting me just because I told you that I love you”


“Anant, you love miniature paintings. You love Thai curry. You don’t go about declaring your love for it every two days.”


“Thai curry? What has that got to do with anything ? But I do love it. See the point is your logic is totally haywire. Why should I… Oh just forget it. I don’t know why I fell in love with you. And I do not. I do not declare my love for you every two days. I may mention it once in a while…"

“Once in a while?”

“Ok. More than that. Whenever I feel the need to remind you”

“Every two days”

“Not every two days”

“yup”

“Nope”

“And why are we arguing about this. Bunk it. This love you have? Can’t you love someone else?”


“You’re kidding. I hope you are. The point is, why don’t you accept the fact that I love you. Just accept it Misha”

“Ok fine. Whatever. What I don’t understand is why did you ever fall for me.”

“I don’t know. I seriously don’t know.”

Just want to write today.

It is my sister's b'day tomorrow and she has given me strict instructions  not to wake her up at twelve coz she is very sleepy. She is sleepy on the eve of her b'day. ( ah well, in her defense she got up really early today) 


Ah well the cake that was to be cut at midnight will be cut tomorrow. And now I have a craving for cake. Will wait till tomorrow. I do have a lot of will power. 


I am the only one awake at my place right now. And it is pretty early. And the person I was chatting to online has dozed off. Since I am wide awake I want to do something. I have been reading loads of blogs lately and now that I need something to do I don't feel like reading any of them. And so I am thinking. Randomly. And writing. I don't even know if I will post this. Maybe I will. I am curious about the reactions. I kind of know that I probably won't. But still. 

My sister is turning 13 tomorrow. I am trying hard to remember what it was like to be 13. All I remember about being 13 was my first proper, live human crush ( Earlier crushes were on non-human animated characters like Li from card captors and Dimitri from Anastasia.) 

You have to agree he  is attractive!

Don't laugh, 12 year olds of 2002 did have crushes on fictional guys. HP fans all over have crushes on Sirius Black, Fred and George Weasley, James Potter and Oliver Wood. And they are all fictional. Anyway, the point is that's all I remember about being 13. And the fact that I wasn't doing well in school. My marks were down the drain. So school- wise 13 not a good time to remember.

I don't really know what I am thinking of. There is a lot to do tomorrow. Maybe I will sleep. Or maybe not just yet.  

Maybe I will write some more tomorrow. Maybe another useless blog-post. Maybe just another musing in my notebook. Whatever. 

“Words, is oh such a twitch-tickling problem to me all my life.” 

-Roald Dahl, The BFG

. 

In here

Not an everyday occurrence this. I don't think I will forget it in a hurry. An owl visited us today. An actual live owl. Those ten minutes were exciting, to say the least. I was working when our help called out. I went upstairs. And saw the owl. Sitting on our side board. I was awed. I ran down to get my camera. And clicked away. Uploaded the pictures immediately. Then it flew away. I couldn't work after that. 

It wasn't a big owl. But it was magnificent. 

P.S.  Owls are by far my favourite birds. 

World empty empty seems

The first time I met AK, my reaction was- "What a nerd" Actually if anyone meets her for the first time, they think she is a nerd. But even though she reads much more than I do, she is anything but a nerd. 

A newbie in GDB I was trying to find my way through friends and classes. I had humanities in +2, we all had different subjects and so we didn't meet all our classmates in every period. The next time i saw her was in economics class. Front bench, listening intently to what the teacher was saying. And I was in the last bench, hardly comprehending what the lady was talking about. 


I met her again in the library. She was explaining eco to someone. I asked for her help, which she readily gave. And that was the end of that. 


Then I became friends with Rajnandini through History class. I moved to the first bench to sit beside her. Eco classes came and went and somehow AK and I  became friends. Sharing our love for lists, Harry Potter and zara hatke stuff. ( BTW we sat beside each other in class 12) 


I remember I had painted my nails black as part of a protest. When I was pulled out of assembly for breaking the rules and told to remove the nailpaint AK arranged  for a blade and helped me remove the two coats. 


So there we were, outside class, trying not to giggle. My hands outstretched and AK diligently scratching at my nails, chipping of bits of nail paint. I don't remember if we managed to get it all off, all I remember is her brave attempts. 


The thing is AK hates  explaining. She hates too many questions. I ask a lot of questions. And she patiently answers all of them. 

It is from her that I learned how to be more generous. I made a lot of friends because of her. I keep on learning from her, which is great.  I am lucky to her as a friend. A kind of best friend ( I say kind of because somehow I don't like the best friend tag, but if I used it I would use it for her and Kaniti) 

Remember that song from the movie Om Shanti Om? Jag suna suna lage...We translated it to English and danced to it and hence the title of this post. I think mine WOULD  seem empty without her. 

It's only words

This morning my father was reading out a text when my grandma asked him who had sent it. He said "P from Delhi, T's gharwala" (Gharwala: The  man she lives with, i.e her husband) I found the statement so funny that I almost burst out laughing ( I say almost coz we can't really burst out laughing at some situations.) 


It is not essentially a funny statement. I wanted to laugh because of the way it sounded- old Hindi film-ish. No one uses such phrases anymore. 


There is a tremendous gap in how we speak and and how our parents spoke. Forget Hindi, words old English   bu-shirt (half sleeved shirt)  are so much out of league that I have forbidden my dad to use it. He now tries hard to remember to say Half sleeved shirt instead. 


Infact, even my sister's lingo is very different from mine. ( There is, after all a 9 year gap between us) She has a favourite set of phrases  that she sprinkles generously in all her conversations. 


"How dumb" is used for any situation, regardless of what she actually thinks about it. Then there is "Awara types" (Awara basically refers to a useless person, who roams around because he/she does not have any work/commitments/responsibilities)  She may exclaim- "Kitne Awara type ke ho"  or greet me and mom with "Hello Awara ladies! "


She uses phrases without reason, it may or may not apply to the what is happening around her. But I tell you, it's fun.It's even more fun when my father gets scandalised when he hears her refer to her friends as "bakwas", dhaba or anything that sounds like an insult to him. He does realise that this is the way we speak, he accepts it but can't help but be bemused by it. 


I often end up using some phrases used often by people I am close to. My friend Kaniti used to say Jhat a lot. I picked it up from her and both of us use to splash it everywhere. (example Jhat jolle na tor: Ok I can't translate this, sorry) AK and I used to use "Kya pharak parta hai" ( It doesn't matter) and "Amar kichu jaye ashe na"( It doesn't affect me/I don't care) 


I, for my part love to say ainwayi  (  Which means just like that in punjabi) It's something I use often. Many of us exclaim "sahi hai", "mast" when something meets our approval. The 50+ people can keep being amused/bemused by the words around them.   I think having a having a specific lingo is fun. It is ainwayi, after all. 

Time, Time, Time; see what's become of me

I used to be punctual. I used to reach places before time. I used to be the one who did the waiting.

When I was in school ( till class 10) I used to time myself while getting ready. If I had to get out of the house by 7:25 it could not become 7:26

Even when I was in GDB  I was ( with my sister tagging along) the first person to arrive at the bus stop. Being late gave me a lot of stress.

These days I mostly end up being 5-10 minutes late. It happens a lot. I somehow never manage to reach a place before time.

Maybe I got tired of waiting for people. Once I cast away the tension involved with getting late I started taking punctuality casually.

I don’t know why people give 15 minute time windows. When someone asks me to arrive at a place between 6:15 to 6:30 what time does he expect me to come- 6:15 or 6:30? If I arrive at 6:35 am I 5 minutes late or 20?

When I go back to college after a break I forget how much time the bus takes and even though I do get ready I leave the house later than usual. I end up arriving just 2 minutes before the professor, out of breath , obviously.

I find it funny when people give long speeches after being introduced and asked to say ‘ a few words’. I know they don’t litrally mean a few words but I do end up laughing ( not aloud though) I start wondering if I should go up to the speech-giver and explain to him what ‘a few words’ mean. 

I once attended a function that was running late. One of the V.I. P members of the organising committee got up to speak after all the eminent  guests had given lengthy speeches. He started with “I know we arerunning late and everyone wants the program to begin. Respecting everyone’s time I shall say a few words…” He went on to speak for 10 minutes!

It’s just that we don’t respect each other’s time. We don’t give value to time.  It’s an old joke that IST stands for Indian Stretchable time. The joke should become obsolete soon. It is time that we take our hours, minutes and seconds seriously.

Organizations should begin their events, regardless of who hasn’t arrived. Dates should come on time whatever the traffic condition should be.  Girls should take as much time as they want to get ready as long as they aren’t late.  Time matters. Everyone’s .

Having said this, I too will make it a point; once again; to arrive on time without caring if others do so.

No shop, No drop

I like shopping. The idea. I like to think that I would visit a mall and choose fabulous outfits for myself. I would fuss, pick and choose from a hundred outfits and return with loads of shopping bags. I like the idea. I like to think I can do it.

I like to think I would go ‘ooh’ when I look at shiny stuff(i.e jewellery ) I like to think that I would stop and stare at every window and admire or dissect whatever is on display. The idea is excellent, execution not so much.

Shopping bores me. Actually, shopping per say doesn’t bore me. I like buying stuff. Mainly books. And shoes at times. Anything that involves trotting from one place to another; stopping to look at stuff ( and pass appropriate comments) bores me. Buying books doesn’t involve that.

Don’t get me wrong I like clothes and I do quite occasionally feel I need more. Just, the entire process of going to a place, choosing, deciding etc etc is tedious.   

When I shop I get exhausted in about an hour or so. I get impatient. I get restless. I end up buying something that doesn’t fit at times. I ended up buying a pair of jeans 2 sizes bigger because I was irritated and wanted to go back home and so didn’t try it on ( I was 11 maybe) if I have to shop and start feeling bored and haven’t found what I had to buy I chuck it. Whatever I had planned to buy gets postponed to the next trip.

When the person I shop with tries on heaps of clothes without deciding on even one, it annoys me to bits. So if she asks me if the outfit is any good I keep saying yes to whatever is shown to me.

I used to like window shopping as a teen. It was the novelty of it I suppose.  I would rather not do it now.

It’s a pity that personal shoppers help you shop and don’t choose stuff for you. They guide you ( and you have to pay them)

Give me a substantial amount of money (say 10k ) and ask me to shop the whole day I would probably buy all the books on my list. Online shopping is a boon for me.   

Out of all the stereotypical comments about woman, I dislike “all woman love shopping” the most. I am a woman and I detest shopping.

And Ships Sail

We humans are such suckers for love stories. Correction, we females are such suckers for love stories. We just love couples. I have always shipped people in books, in movies, movies trailers, co-stars, soaps, ads. Everywhere. Even random people on the streets.


My first book shipping was Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy. Even though everyone knows would end up together, they did start on the wrong foot. Darcy insulted Elizabeth, for God's sake! I was rooting for them so badly, throughout the book. When Darcy finally told Elizabeth- "I only thought of you" my only comment was "Atlast!" 

Then Harry Potter entered my life. Accompanied by fan-fiction; with some really weird shipping. How I hate them. I would rather stick to legit shipping.


When rumours of movie co-stars do the rounds( I do know it's mostly promotions, but still) I so wish the two of them get together. I know it doesn't affect my life but I was rooting for Priyanka and Shahid to be actually dating each other. ( Even now when I saw a recent Bru ad I was like aww, they look so good together)


I also love it when I find out that TV co-stars are dating each other. Couples I root for- Karan Kundra and Kritika Kamra( I think they were called  Arjun and Arohi in Kitni Mohabbat hai) and Sushant Singh Rajput and Ankita Lokhande ( Manav and Archana of Pavitra Rishta)


I think we girls also like shipping our single friends with each other. "Oh Ankur and Nilesh are so made for each other" "Esha should  totally meet Shaan" " I wish things work out between Riya and Aman, so cute they are!"


But, I don't like the ternd of merging the names of the couple you ship. Like Romione( Ron and Hermione) Drarry ( Draco and Harry, gulp) Kriyansh ( Kriya and Rayansh of a really sweet soap D3) 


And when Twilight fans keep on saying Team Edward and Team Jacob I feel like catching hold of them and almost shouting- "It's called shipping, it's not a bloody sports team you are supporting. "


Shipping is one of the random things I end up doing. " But it cannot be helped. "


P.S- I always wanted to ship Sirius Black with someone but couldn't think of anyone.