Monday, April 30, 2012

A case of romance and wrong timing

The following was written in Jan 2011. I was at a very miserable place emotionally. Was suffering from a serious case of loneliness and helplessness. As an emotional person I need to cry. At that point of time though, crying didn't feel justified. 

I don't know how you managed to break my heart. How did you get to it? How do I mourn for the loss of something I never had? Why do I feel so doomed? Yet, no tears come. I can only produce a slightly tired half smile. To compensate for the un shed tears I cannot even sigh. Trapped, by my own restrictions. Life will go on, and so will I. 

Such a loss cannot be explained. Just can't be. I can't remain idle. When I do I can only think of my loss. My mind is in such turmoil, I can't think straight. When I am alone a terrible loneliness engulfs me. Being with friends is not enough for me. This is almost desperation. 

It's a Wednesday. A Wednesday I am unlikely to forget for a long time. I can't help feeling so hurt over a person I barely knew. I am hurt. I just can't believe I am so hurt. 

But I can't shed tears. My tears won't help me this time. I know, no one can collect them. As I keep my non-existent tears aside I wonder why I am so hurt. I wish I could cry. Crying would help. Maybe. 

Something I can't admit to myself that even though I am happy I am lonely. Is it possible to be both at the same time? I can't understand myself. I have lost control over my emotions. I hate losing control. 

I am not confident about the matters of my heart anymore. And I am so scared, so confused. I can't even be depressed. I am a happy person. Positive. Optimistic. 

I will still believe in Aphrodite. For she matters to me. 


Update: I got over this phase in a week. I remember feeling an immense sense of relief after writing my feelings down. Didn't feel like posting it then. Came across it today in an old notebook.

1 comment :

  1. I also felt the same way one evening in April 2010, I guess life's like that...There are some things which u want to ask but cannot.Some things you want to share but dont. Perhaps things are meant to be like this.