100 Words: Don't mention fear

It's hard to admit that I don't have the answers.  I had figured out what I want . But confused about how to go about it. I don't want to be.  

I am scared. I don't like not knowing where I stand. It's my biggest fear. 

I hate being vulnerable. Being insecure.

I think I will listen to one of my favourite songs.

"Heart, don't fail me now!

Courage, don't desert me!

Don't turn back now that we're here.."

Those are the words I need.

I will be brave. I won’t let anything take away my dreams. Not even me. 

Ah, it's your turn now

I think a favourite hobby (and a common one they share) of the 50+ people I live with is discussing the marriage eligibility of relatives of my generation ( i.e my cousins; both distant and non-distant) They participated in this hobby even today. As they were counting off people( mostly in their twenties, some touching thirty) they also mentioned my cousin V's name. Now this, is a cause of alarm. V is only a year older.  That makes me eligible(if not now, a year later.) And THAT is SCARY. 


Many of my cousins got married in the last 5 years. Many. AK is exasperated at the number of relatives/cousins I have. (And the number of times I have told her that a cousin of mine is getting married.) She says she can't keep count. Honesty, neither can I. 

Not what we do

Anyway, back to the subject of eligibility. It crops up every few weeks. At dinner time. ( I am surprised at the frequency of it) I am  both   amused and bemused at these discussions. Amused because they take such relish in counting of names of people who can get married ("some of them according to social norm should as soon as they can grab someone" is the unsaid statement ) I am bemused because they will not tire of this hobby. Once all of these people are married, am sure they will come up with new names( I am curious about how that goes) They may come up with a new subject to indulge in- kids(as in how many married people need to have kids) To be fair they have never discussed the possible future kids of the already married ones. 


This hobby also makes me think of something that creeps me out. It is not creep-worthy, but still. There may be some random uncle/aunty/relative(distant or non-distant) who may be including my name in their dinner time(or tea time) discussion about the "Eligibility Factor". Because I know that most aunties and uncles and grandmotherly figures discuss the possible marriage of other people's kids. It's as if it's upon them to get the next generation married. 


I am intrigued by this phenomenon. I am not saying that I don't like the idea of marriage. I do. I  just don't understand why  someone's eligibility is everyone's business. XYZ will get married when she wants to. Why discuss it? You don't have to pay her marriage bills. You don't have to organise the various events associated with a wedding. They just have to turn up (if they are invited) and congratulate the couple and hand them something. It's not as if these people have nothing else to do. ( ok, some of them have nothing else to do) My parents do have things to do and other interesting things to discuss. I think it's just a habit. Because of the social norm factor. 


The 50+ people in my house are also victims of the social norm.( like most of us) And they simply cant help it.  




P.S: Anyone who knows anyone who is eligible please contribute names to my parents. They will love to have extra people in their list. 

How to kill people: A killer guide.

WARNING: May seem offensive to most people. Not to be taken seriously. I am in no means suggesting any sort of action. If you do not like the following feel free to ignore. 


What is the best way to kill yourself?  I am thinking of  about suicide. Either way I say it it sounds as if I want to kill myself. Well I don't. I am perfectly happy with my life. I am just wondering about suicide. Not deep philosophical thoughts about what makes people commit suicide. Neither am I thinking about statistics and the growing rates of suicide. Mine is just an  inquiry about what would be the best way to kill yourself. I may get someone to commit suicide. Note that this someone will be fictional. 


I want to create a  suicide that is fool-proof. Idiot-proof. 


Or maybe a suicide that looks like murder. Thrillers anyone? This is getting exciting! I am now thinking of not only a fool-proof/idiot proof suicide but also one that resembles a murder. 


Asphyxia. People wrongly assume that choking is another name for Asphyxia, when it is only an example. Asphyxia is deficit supply of oxygen to the body.  And it sounds good on paper. Very Agatha Christie-ish huh? But then I don't think it is a DIY task.


Poison seems like a good idea. But which one? I can only think of Cyanide. Again an Agatha Christie influence. 


Maybe I should think bollywood. Maybe not. Bollywood suicides are very simple- sleeping pills. Sounds pretty cliche and therefore boring. 


Over dose of drugs sounds  interesting but is also over-used. Will not do. 


I am trying to hatch an elaborate suicide  attempt. Again I must mention here that it's  for a future fictional character. 


Voodoo. Make a doll that looks like you and stab it with needles. That could work actually. 


Ah! Maybe I can brew something out of this. Anticipation. My notebook awaits. 

Things I need. Badly. Pretty please.

Anyone interested in giving me stuff? I promise I will be eternally grateful. I swear. Everlasting gratitude from me. The forever types. 


I made a list of all the things I want. It isn't very long. 

1. People to stop stealing my pens. I had three pens yesterday. I can only locate one of them today. 

2.  All my plans to work out. ( Fingers crossed.)

3. A way to somehow travel freely. I need to go places. 

4. Money. Not loads, but enough. 

5. Patience to shop. I do need to buy some stuff. 

6. Information on various topics. 

7. Chewing gum. A month's supply. Mint flavour. 

8. My finals to get out of the way.

10. The muse to visit me more often. Everyday to be precise. 

11. A pedicure. If can give myself a pedicure but it wouldn't hurt to get it done( for free ofcourse) 

12. Life to uncomplicate itself and present itself to me in neat rows and columns.

13. Some magic- preferably to be able to apparate and disapparate. Or a summoning spell. I need loads of magic actually

14. A library membership. 

15. Speed

16. A small bag. I am too lazy to sew up my torn bag. 

17. New pairs of shoes. Atleast three pairs. 

18. A new phone. I know which one I want( Ok I am anyway buying a phone soon so I guess #18 doesn't count)

19. A hug. On second thoughts, loads of hugs (from specific people not random strangers) 

20. Someone to type stuff for me. There is loads of stuff I need to type. I don't particularly like typing. And I am pretty slow. And lazy. Enough said.  


21. Atleast two Audrey Hepburn movies.  From  any of the following- Funny Face, Love in the afternoon, War and Peace or Charade. 


22. A Simon and Garfunkel concert. Or a Kimya Dawson concert.Or an Aqualung concert. 


23. Chocolate. Not just any. My own. Can someone buy some chocolate from me and gift it back to me? I would really appreciate that. 


24. More hits on my blog. And more comments. Helps a lot to know that you are appreciated. 


25. Yummy food to be calorie less. I cant give up on food. I don't want to miss out on taste. Would prefer to miss out on calories,




I think for now 25 items on my list is enough. Any suggestions are welcome.